To My Daughter, With Love: 10 Lessons From 4 Decades of Living

Simply do I naively wish that I can protect you from the pains the world may impose on you. But I also do know that no one is exempt from the rites of passage of journeying towards our own perfection. And so I do my utmost to ready you to soar with the winds of life-out-yonder.

In that spirit, I gift to you my life lessons. May they serve as one of the many torches, bright and sure, that illuminate your path.

And as the written word is how my soul sings the song of the universe, I hope these words shall always accompany you my love. As you journey through the peaks and troughs of be-coming; stumble and soar as you explore the contours of your own humanity and womanhood; and learn to be at home with the songs your soul is meant to sing.

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My favourite season is autumn ~ a time that beckons beautiful rhythm of rituals to still the being, and prepare the richness of Spring for the secret work of Winter.

This is what my 40’s feel to me.

A time of settling into the home of me, where I can gaze back with exquisite kindness at my insecure 20’s and my wanna-be 30’s. A time where I am beginning to feel like I actually know a thing or two. A beautiful cocooning of my awakening to the me that’s been there all along.

So here are 10 lessons I’ve learned the hard way …

1. Wanting that which wants you is a much gentler way to live one’s life. Discerning between that which is worthy of your commitment, and that which is purely to satisfy your ego is where wisdom comes in. And that, only time can gift.
2. One clue perhaps to #1 above could be synchronicity. The more you are in flow, the more synchronicity manifests itself. It is for me, no more and no less, than the universal expression of the interconnectedness of all.
3. It’s actually not that difficult to fall in love, so be careful to whom and what, you gift the precious gift of your heart. Especially since the heart beats to its own rhythm, unencumbered by the acquired logic of the intellect. So choose to love — always.
4. Speaking of seeming contradictions … learning to be ok with the eternal wrestling of perceived paradoxes, to rest in the moments between seconds as one wrestles among one’s selves, to be kind to yourself amidst the un-knowing … is the key to a life well-lived.
5. Detachment is not the same as not caring. Instead, it is the very state-of-being that enables one to embody universal love. Only when you are free of the ego will you then see with deeper clarity, and respond in true service.
6. Pursuing the grand and lofty is a fool’s errand, unless one can master the discipline of being consistent and true to the small. Even Rome was built one stone at a time. And every journey begins with one step, and becomes more concrete with every next step.
7. It’s exhausting trying to be anyone else other than one’s own self. Dr. Seuss was right — say what you mean, mean what you say, those who mind, don’t matter, those who matter, won’t mind.
8. Be generous in spirit, and always assume the best of other’s intention. Be generous in words, and choose to bring joy, light and love. Be generous with your smile, and do your part to brighten the world.
9. My attention is the most precious gift I can give to another. It’s really not about quantity. Whenever I listen deeply with my heart, I see that we have more in common with one another than even your wildest imagination can imagine — always.
10. When I am insecure, lost, empty, frail and in pain … is when I cannot permit another person their truth. Pain makes one selfish and egoistic. As I let go of pain, anger dissipates and I am left breathless … by the luminous beauty nestling in the essence of our truths.

So know that an autumn homecoming awaits you my love, and let not the angst of be-coming, rob you of the joy of the journey and the anticipation of crossing the threshold back into your essence.