Out with Scarcity, Abundance, Sufficiency! Instead, try BALANCE.
Unhappiness has made many companies rich. I read that it’s to the tune of approximately USD 10 billion dollars in 2016 (larger than the 2017 GDP of Haiti, Rwanda, or Niger). The sad irony is that since the “birth” of self-help as we know it today in 1828, there’s contradicting evidence that it has actually helped … much.
But let’s not waste too much time on statistics that can be moulded to any agenda. Instead, let’s talk about the more intimate topic of “you”.
This article is not about scarcity or negativity.
It is equally not about abundance or positivity.
Neither is it about sufficiency or enough.
So what’s left you ask?!?!
Let’s try balance for a change.
Few of us would say no to being richer, smarter, thinner, fitter, kinder, healthier, better organised, more punctual … and the list goes on, and on, and on …
And on …
You get the idea!
*pause*
Question time … “better by whose standard?”
Many of us would very quickly say “by my standards of course!”
Hmmm … does that mean you believe you’re not good enough as you are?
Before you offer the very first retort that comes to your mind … take a moment (or a few days, weeks, months) to ask yourself:
- Where does your concept of self come from?
- How did you become who you are today?
- Why are you who you are today?
- When did you become who you are today?
- Who’s the “I” doing all the “recognising”?
Babies don’t have any concept of better | Caterpillars don’t ask who they are | Dolphins don’t seem to wonder if they can be whales (at least not that we know of).
So how is it then, that you and I come to have these thoughts?
Regardless of how this question landed with you, I believe it’s dangerous to allow one’s self to be seduced by the dreams of “others”, especially when they’re trying to “sell” it to you in some form. Often resulting in vision boards, life books, dream journals, to-do lists etc. that are a litany of vague aspirations. Worse still, everytime we tick something off that list, there’s another “to-become” to be ticked off — Found your dream partner? Great — next, get promoted; Lost weight? Great — next, do a digital detox; Eating better? Great — next, save up for the dream vacation.
It never ends!
No wonder so many of us are so chronically exhausted.
So instead of endless better-ing projects, what if we reframe to balancing.
But what, exactly is the difference you may wonder, when both similarly requires action?!?!
Bettering is often:
- Filled with angst and grasping
- Motivated by a bottomless pit of hunger
- Rigid and unyielding, as it is “either / or” mindset
- Driven by pride, and at its extreme can turn even private spiritual practises into consumerist trophies that feed on public validation
Balancing in contrast:
- Grounded in respect and curiosity
- Motivated by alignment / flow / orientation
- Contains multiplicities and paradoxes, as it is a “both / and” mindset
- Seeks the essential, and at its best seek to yield to one’s calling and purpose for being
The distinction is subtle but critical, as each births different actions. For example:
- Losing weight — Betterers often adopt extreme measures such as going cold turkey because they need to prove that they can do it, whereas balancers usually favour gradual habit shifts that are based on research. Betterers are more prone to reacting and switching strategies, whereas the balancers are better at staying their chosen path.
- Increasing income — Betterers are prone to look for the next big thing, whereas balancers take the time to ask how their strengths can meaningfully serve what needs in what ways. Betterers focus on what they can have if -only they earned more, whereas balancers ask “will I really be happier, better, healthier if I have (x)” before committing to any action.
Fundamentally, balancers are more assured of their core and more accepting of whoever they may be at any moment in time. And perhaps most importantly, balancers are not wedded to the duality of happiness / un-happiness. Instead, they know that all emotions are data-points that point towards something. Balancers are better (no pun intended) at “lettings things be”, without being a fatalist or a conformist. In contrast, betterers by their very focus on being richer, smarter, thinner, fitter, kinder, healthier, better organised, more punctual … only reinforces the very thing they are trying to un-become.
The final irony is this … balancers allow themselves to, at times be betterers too, when that is what is required for balance. Just like the tight rope walker below, sometimes you NEED to be better in order to balance.
Being content about who you are at any point in time does not prevent you from wanting “more”, because we are all on a journey towards our fullest expression!
