Is What You Want, Something You Really Want, Or Something You Want

Years ago, after reading Seth Godin’s The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick), I realised I’ve been holding my breath for decades without even knowing it! And I was in fact starting to turn slightly blue from the lack of oxygen, metaphorically speaking.

Allow me to explain.

You see, that book sparked a whole series of questions about which goals, which dreams I needed to quit chasing because it was not what I actually wanted. Let’s start with a simple example. Growing up, I was an outstanding student, and so naturally had to become a doctor. Unquestioningly, I personified the inevitability of Dr. Roslina Chai, that is until I got rejected from medical school! By some mysterious saving grace, I did not “try even harder” as any self-respecting Asian kid would have done.

I was young and didn’t think twice about that event, and so plunged wholeheartedly into pursuing what “I wanted to want”. Which in many instances, is based on embodying what others think I should be doing. Though in hindsight, I don’t recall ever been explicitly told what “that” was. That didn’t stop me though from getting real busy making decisions I thought would impress “them”, including:

• Pursuing a high-flying lifestyle as a corporate minion (the minion part only became clear at the height of cost-cutting measures)
• Starting businesses that were supposed to allow me to retire by 40 (that…